It was a year which started without a list of significant and strong resolutions actually. I was just following the flow. Underlying that, the desire to achieve my dream is stronger and stronger.
So in the previous story, I have come to tell that I was able to face the tiger. In the later end of the year, through the ups and downs, God has led me to see the tiger falling down, feeling hurt and cried. I was standing there, looking at this tiger, I know the wounds that I used to feel though it wasn't being told, was revealing. I did not know what to do. I did not know what my presence would do to him. I know I wanted to be there because this tiger is my friend, and I wanted to be his friend, just to be there for him so that despite all the hatred and sadness he had, he still had a friend, though might be silly but a real friend. I will hope that the story of this tiger would continue till I see him becoming what he is meant to be.
Life is pretty tough if I was to be alone only. God sent me friends along the way and most of them are angels to me. They helped me in building up the knowledge regarding my career. Chances were being given to me to explore more of the area of interest that I wanted to experiment myself. A good beginning and I shall see what I will end with.
Okay, a little bit of checked lists in 2016 that I can use to motivate myself in the next following years.
Stepped into SARAWAK and saw my friends whom I did not see for years
MULU national park with CAVEs. Cave craving satisfied, a way too satisfied.
Climbed Mount Kinabalu (Well, I didn't manage to try up the world highest Via Ferrata due to weather condition but it was a new experience with my friend. Who knows one day I will fatt choi and being granted this chance again, wink*)
Gotten a diving licence (When there is a will, there must a time arranged for it! I always remind myself not to miss this chance as I have already landed in a place blessed with beautiful islands and beaches)
Hiked to different hills, eg Bukit Gemok and Bukit Kinabutan
Wow-ed the tallest tropical tree in Tawau Hill Park before the one in Danum Valley took over the record lol
First 10km run
First time becoming a PSALMIST (Felt so happy to meet new bunch of youngsters in Christ and made me more youthful in spirit)
MUAY THAI - Need more passions to feed the training now
Stepped into Penang to motivate my friend and first trip with mother and cousin after so long
Getting a boyfriend? Wahahha, this was not in my wish list.
For those things not mentioned, this will remain hidden in my sweetest part of my memories.
For 2017, I wish everyone having good health and good meaningful life. KEKE
So long ago, actually not long ago, we were used to be quite good buddies. I used to like you too.
However, things passed, and everything changed. You ain't like what you used to be. Still, I have something that I want to say to you.
Not long ago, someone texted me, saying that he didn't know why but he would always pray for me since the first day we met. Jinx, I think I understand him, it used to be what I think about you. Of course, that's because I think I know you slightly better than him knowing me.
You know what, till now, I still think you are a truly NUT. Not because I was still a mad bull thinking that you don't appreciate me at all, but you are a NUT with the way you handle thing(s). You know what, I see you as a giant big courageous fighter, the one that will goes hard to change the wrong to the right, the one with upright spirit that will lead everyone forward together. However, when thing doesn't get in a way that you want it to be, you have chosen to be layback.
I know I won't be the one for you. I know I won't be the one to change you. However, trust me, you have been the one that I want to change the most. Like Panda Paul, I am just someone whose thinking is so straight to help you up, to help you to be the person that you are meant to be. I always want to touch your inner wounds and tell you that, it will be okay and you will get healed. Most importantly, I love you even though you got nothing left with you, even you fell like a mud. Every time I saw you, I had that impulse with me. The part that I wish to tell you and it is from our creator.
I never thought that a good person can be doing so many wrong things, well, for good reasons perhaps (irony). Maybe you are trying to prove to me things will never be the same. I would agree with you. Yes, things have gotten better. My life has been clearer after all. And I have learned if you do not know how to embrace the change with a positive mind, you ain't getting any further. Perhaps it is the same vortice that you are getting into. I hope that one day you will learn to be child-like, to accept things with love and hope.
I am still praying for you because I don't want you to be alone and I can see so much potentials in you. Oh yeah, still I think I win the battle between you and me, not because I like winning a game, because I win a chance to see what's really true and to know what I can do to you. As today, for whatever we are to each other now, I am still waiting to see the one who is really living up his life to the most.
I knew that there was a tiger in front, so I dig a hole and jumped into it. I thought my sky was clear as long as I could hide in it and I would be happy. The happiness didn't last long. The sky wasn't clear at all and it was getting smaller. When the desire to find a new life was getting stronger, I found a chance to jump out and that would mean, I have to fight with the tiger. Yes, I wanted to fight with the tiger and I did. I got hurt of course. There were so many uncertainties and "what ifs" back then. The battle scars were freshly buried on my skin . And at last, I saw the sky, and a rainbow as the sun rose through the rain that wet my face. I know this tiger was no longer my fear factor, it has become a chapter in my expedition book and I have come to know that I too, can be a fighter!
Alright, it is happening. The heart is actually broken into pieces. I have fallen in love with someone who doesn't love me, and not even treating me like his friend.
So I have said my last words, tidying up my feeling, put in in the file and keep it aside.
I have said this a lot of times, it seems to be the most comforting one, that is "I have done my best". A relationship is not meant to be tried hard by only one side, but also requires the other one to receive it open heartedly. It wasn't playing like this this time, so I have no regret to put this aside and continue my journey. "Let time take its course, and we will start fresh anew"...... It will never happen because we are what we are.
So... I have done my best in this circle. I just have to move away as if we have moved on for 10 years already. And now if we meet each other, it would mean the us after 10 years. Nothing too close, nothing too sad, nothing too happy... and we shall just nod our head and walk passed each other.