Thanks be to God, ALLELUIA

For the pass few days, thanks for being with me. 

Perhaps, you sensed my vulnerability even before I realised that! 

I remembered I asked you "Is your presence with me really that important? How about my mistakes? How about the my super disgusting carelessness? Why don't you seems to care to strengthen such an useless me?" And deep underneath my heart, I began to sense you want me to know that YOUR PRESENCE IS MORE IMPORTANT than any other things, even in my difficulty. I know that you are not being non autonomous, as you know the better way for me. You know that it wasn't easy and you helped me all the way. 

God, you know that when I am justifying whether or not I am worthy of you, I would get stuck of how lowly I am. I don't find myself very precious, I don't have any goodness to glorify you and slowly, I find myself useless.

"Foolish people!" Hitting my head with the stone through the story of Road to Emmaus? 

"Were not our hearts burn within us when he spoke to us?" Was I not felt being encouraged by you every time I prayed? My problem and my low-self esteem have dissolved me again and again.

But today, there is no other name I shall proclaim. Full glory, praise and worship shall belong to you. I took a slow pace over this problem (I rushed thing up normally) and those gently and slow retrospective reflection have been accompanied by you. The confusion and worry seem to have your track. 

Two strangers came and solved the key problems in my mind. There were a few words that opened up my mind, lifted up the big stone in my heart. Now, I want to have a big "HAHAHAHA!" to "ha" about how foolish I was, to "ha" out with joy and tears! 

How can I be so vulnerable when I am so much protected by you? Every single moment, and even a every single second of my life. I don't know how to beautify my qualification to glorify you or to be worthy of you, but I know that I am very precious with the way you LOVE me. You show me that I am precious. I can't stop laughing about this, and indeed, my heart is glad for me to know you! To recognise you and your love in my life. I am now fearless of what other people may say regarding my action and decision, for I am protected.

P.S Thanks St. Anthony especially, and also other saints for interceding for me. There is nothing better than what has happened, everything is just good. Though I never found back my tablet, but thanks to that, I found my faith, or should I said, I found what I asked, in a wonderful way.

Also, thanks to my friends who helped to pray and thanks for everything given.