Just a little bit lost in the beginning of 2014

"Hey, I think the guy sitting in the next table likes you..." Sometimes when we are gossiping, similar topic will come out. Sometimes when we are listening to our friends talking about their parents, we tend to think "Oh, his/her parents are so loving!" or maybe, "He or she is too much spoiled."

Among all those mentioned,  have you ever heard "I think God loves you very much, girl!"? This simple comment always get me into further thinking and reflection. I think this statement has pretty much makes all the loves that we experienced before fall into place. When they say the guy likes me, I can say NO. When they say my parents love me very much, I can say IT'S ANNOYING. But whenever people tell me that God loves me very much, I can't help myself to say YES~.

I used to think that if I carry a good intention to serve God and pray everyday, then in whatever way I'm doing, I won't be lost. It was really adequate to think that way and I was granted an optimistic personality from him. However, as I slowly grow up, I realise there is a fundamental faith and simplicity in me all this while but there is something extra soon coming to learn, and it is all began from doubt and uncertainty which is a door to grow.

I was surfing online, went through those fortune telling through horoscope and funny programme. Okay,  a true catholic is not supposed to believe in all these. There were lots of good about me and also the bad one but nothing really taken in by me. Logical reasoning told me that this is LIFE, that's perfectly normal to have good and bad thing in your life. I actually appreciated more when they told me that something bad in my life and how short my life will be, as it made me surprised that I actually survived and slowly grew up in a fantastic way that I would have never thought before. All the sadness which have torn my heart apart and into pieces, have taught me how to stitch every bits and pieces back. Hard though, hope still.

New year came, everyone was making their resolution. I was lost because I didn't know what I want, what I want to pray from him. It was difficult for me because I used to be a girl who knows what she wants. Remember what I said? Faith and simplicity. Invitation came and I went to an adoration with friends, including non-catholic or christian friend. 00:00, when the priest was saying the Eucharistic prayer, everything seemed to tell me "FIX YOUR EYES ON ME" as he is going to give everything to me in this year. Everything as in HIMSELF. Difficult to understand, let me give you an image. The image is like when you are surrounding in a dynamic surrounding which makes everything blur to you, someone gave you a hug and hold your hand so strongly to walk but you can't see his face, nor your future. It's life I guess because you can't really predict anything, but what makes it different now is you begin to walk in a path created by you as you walk just as you follow the star of David.

So my first half-year resolution is live my life in UK to the fullness, do my assignments to the craziness, played and loved my friends to insanity, then I know when I am in the aeroplane flying back, I will cry and cry with joy.

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